Why won't you apologize? : healing big betrayals and everyday hurts

Title:

Author:

Lerner, Harriet Goldhor, author.

ISBN:

9781501129599

9781501129612

Personal Author:

Lerner, Harriet Goldhor, author.

Edition:

First Touchstone hardcover edition.

Publication Information:

New York : Touchstone, 2017.

Physical Description:

x, 195 pages ; 22 cm

Contents:

The many faces of "I'm sorry" -- Five ways to ruin an apology -- More wimpy, overblown, and downright relationship-busting sorrys -- Apologizing under fire: how to handle big-time criticism -- The secret life of the non-apologizer -- "He's so defensive!": what do you have to do with it? -- How--and whether--to accept the olive branch -- Who is at fault?: when reconciliation grinds to a halt -- The most stunning apology I ever witnessed -- "You need to forgive" and other lies that hurt you -- How to find peace -- The two most powerful words in the English language.

Subject Term:

Apologizing.

Interpersonal conflict.

Interpersonal relations.

Apologizing. (OCoLC)fst00811460

Interpersonal conflict. (OCoLC)fst00977374

Interpersonal relations. (OCoLC)fst00977397

Document ID:

SD_ILS:2258913

Holds: Copies:

Available:*

Library	Collection	Collection	Call Number	Status
Searching... Lemoore Branch Library (Kings Co.)	Searching... Unknown	Adult Non-Fiction Area	158.2 L	Searching... Unknown
Searching... Rosamond Branch Library (Kern Co.)	Searching... Unknown	Adult Non-Fiction	158.2 LER	Searching... Unknown
Searching... Stratford Branch Library (Kings Co.)	Searching... Unknown	Adult Non-Fiction Area	158.2 L	Searching... Unknown
Searching... Tehachapi Branch Library (Kern Co.)	Searching... Unknown	Adult Non-Fiction	158.2 LER	Searching... Unknown
Searching... Visalia Library (Tulare Co.)	Searching... Unknown	Non-Fiction Area	158.2 LER	Searching... Unknown

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Summary

"If you want to know why Harriet Lerner is one of my great heroes, Why Won't You Apologize? is the answer. This book is a game changer." --Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Rising Strong

"Harriet Lerner is one hell of a wise woman. She draws you in with deft and engaging prose, and then changes your life with her rigorous intelligence and her deeply human advice. I promise that you will never see 'the apology' in quite the same way." --Esther Perel, MA, LMFT author of Mating in Captivity

Renowned psychologist and bestselling author of The Dance of Anger sheds new light on the two most important words in the English language--I'm sorry--and offers a unique perspective on the challenge of healing broken connections and restoring trust.

Dr. Harriet Lerner has been studying apologies--and why some people won't give them--for more than two decades. Now she offers compelling stories and solid theory that bring home how much the simple apology matters and what is required for healing when the hurt we've inflicted (or received) is far from simple. Readers will learn how to craft a deeply meaningful "I'm sorry" and avoid apologies that only deepen the original injury.

Why Won't You Apologize? also addresses the compelling needs of the injured party--the one who has been hurt by someone who won't apologize, tell the truth, or feel remorse. Lerner explains what drives both the non-apologizer and the over-apologizer, as well as why the people who do the worst things are the least able to own up. She helps the injured person resist pressure to forgive too easily and challenges the popular notion that forgiveness is the only path to peace of mind. With her trademark humor and wit, Lerner offers a joyful and sanity-saving guide to setting things right.

Author Notes

Harriet Lerner, PhD is one of our nation's most loved and respected relationship experts. Renowned for her work on the psychology of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic for several decades. A distinguished lecturer, consultant, and psychotherapist, she is the author of numerous scholarly articles and popular books, including the New York Times bestseller The Dance of Anger and Why Won't You Apologize? . She and her husband live in Lawrence, Kansas and have two grown sons.

Reviews (1)

Library Journal Review

Psychologist Lerner (The Dance of Anger) delves into the power of apologies. Done right, they heal and heighten intimacy. Done wrong (or not at all), they can destroy bonds and in some cases retraumatize. Lerner explains why it is hard to apologize, why it is excruciating to hear silence or defensiveness in lieu of an apology, and how to vulnerably and responsibly say, "I'm sorry." The book is written to be easily accessible to the nonclinician. Those familiar with current psychology, however, will recognize Lerner's alignment with clinicians John Gottman and Sue Johnson. We are connected, we will screw up, and we can repair disagreements through de-escalation with sincere remorse. Most wonderfully, Lerner tackles absent apologies that hurt and demoralize. She considers forgiving vs. letting go and shows readers how to have one without the other. Her book is on par with Janis Abrahams Spring's How Can I Forgive You? and a valuable addition to the forgiveness literature. VERDICT Highly recommended for mental health professionals and anyone struggling to offer an apology, hoping for one, or wishing to move on-with or without forgiving.-Jennifer M. Schlau, Elgin Community Coll., IL © Copyright 2016. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

Chapter 1 The Many Faces of "I'm Sorry"	p. 1
Chapter 2 Five Ways to Ruin an Apology	p. 13
Chapter 3 More Wimpy, Overblown, and Downright Relationship-Busting Sorrys	p. 25
Chapter 4 Apologizing Under Fire: How to Handle Big-Time Criticism	p. 35
Chapter 5 The Secret Life of the Non-Apologizer	p. 53
Chapter 6 "He's So Defensive!" What Do You Have to Do With It?	p. 71
Chapter 7 How-and Whether-to Accept the Olive Branch	p. 93
Chapter 8 Who Is at Fault? When Reconciliation Grinds to a Halt	p. 109
Chapter 9 The Most Stunning Apology I Ever Witnessed	p. 127
Chapter 10 "You Need to Forgive" and Other Lies That Hurt You	p. 137
Chapter 11 How to Find Peace	p. 157
Chapter 12 The Two Most Powerful Words in the English Language	p. 175
Acknowledgments	p. 187
Notes	p. 191

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Summary

Summary

Author Notes

Reviews (1)

Library Journal Review

Table of Contents