Hello
1(8)
Introduction
3(4)
Alternate Titles for This Book
7(2)
I Forget Nothing: A Sensitive Kid Looks Back
9(36)
Chubby for Life
11(10)
I Am Not an Athlete
21(10)
Don't Peak in High School
31(4)
Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (Or, How I Made My First Real Friend)
35(10)
I Love New York And It Likes Me Okay
45(52)
Failing at Everything in the Greatest City on Earth
47(11)
The Exact Level of Fame I Want
58(6)
Karaoke Etiquette
64(2)
Day Jobs
66(14)
Best Friend Rights and Responsibilities
80(5)
Matt & Ben & Mindy & Brenda
85(12)
Hollywood: My Good Friend Who Is Also A Little Embarrassing
97(54)
Types of Women in Romantic Comedies Who Are Not Real
99(5)
All About The Office
104(20)
Franchises I Would Like to Reboot
124(3)
Contributing Nothing at Saturday Night Live
127(5)
Roasts Are Terrible
132(2)
My Favorite Eleven Moments in Comedy
134(6)
How I Write
140(4)
The Day I Stopped Eating Cupcakes
144(3)
Somewhere in Hollywood Someone Is Pitching This Movie
147(4)
The Best Distraction In The World: Romance And Guys
151(40)
Someone Explain One-Night Stands to Me
153(4)
"Hooking Up" Is Confusing
157(2)
I Love Irish Exits
159(4)
Guys Need to Do Almost Nothing to Be Great
163(4)
Non-Traumatic Things That Have Made Me Cry
167(6)
Jewish Guys
173(3)
Men and Boys
176(5)
In Defense of Chest Hair
181(2)
Married People Need to Step It Up
183(5)
Why Do Men Put on Their Shoes So Slowly?
188(3)
My Appearance: The Fun And The Really Not Fun
191(20)
When You're Not Skinny, This Is What People Want You to Wear
193(7)
These Are the Narcissistic Photos in My BlackBerry
200(5)
Revenge Fantasies While Jogging
205(6)
My All Important Legacy
211(12)
Strict Instructions for My Funeral
213(3)
A Eulogy for Mindy Kaling
216(3)
Michael Schur
Good-bye
219(4)
Acknowledgments 223