Author's Note		ix
Tucker Goes to Campout, Owns Duke Nerds		1	(23)
The Sex Stories, PART 2		24	(21)
Whoredentification		24	(2)
Reduce, Recycle, Reuse		26	(4)
The Shittiest Hookup Ever		30	(3)
Tucker and His First MILF		33	(2)
Not Another Teen Hookup		35	(1)
Burn, Baby, Burn!		36	(2)
I'm a Zit, Get It?		38	(3)
Head Doctor		41	(1)
Earth First		42	(3)
The Capitol City Clown Crawl		45	(16)
The DC Halloween Party and The Worst Girl I Ever Fucked		61	(36)
The Tucker Max Experience		97	(8)
The Tucker Max Sexual To-Do List		105	(28)
The Amputee Story		112	(4)
The Aborted Twins		116	(5)
The Midget Story		121	(12)
Everybody Fails		133	(15)
Everything Goes Wrong		134	(1)
The Oversell		135	(2)
Hello, Nurse		137	(2)
My 21st Birthday		139	(9)
Fucked-Up Pillow Talk, PART 2		148	(10)
The TuckerFest Story		158	(63)
The Post-Fame Sex Stories
Introduction		221	(2)
The Tattoo Stories		223	(14)
Aren't You Lucky?		223	(1)
Lucky + You		224	(1)
Time Flies When You're Fucking Tatted-up Whores		225	(2)
Next-Level Shit		227	(10)
I Want to Cum Get a Load!		237	(16)
PoopLips		239	(3)
I'm Not That Type of Girl		242	(3)
Nils and the Pepperdine D-Girl		245	(8)
The Things I Put Up with For Pussy		253	(21)
Too Old for This Shit		254	(5)
Why You Don't Fuck USC Girls		259	(9)
Whoring for Charity		268	(6)
Baby Mama Drama		274	(7)
The Virginity Paradox		281	(17)
Don't Fuck with Jack LaLanne		283	(7)
Strict Liability		290	(8)
The Tucker Max Sex-Ray		298	(5)
Hot, Sane, Single		303	(28)
The Fresno Vet		305	(5)
Wilfred Brimley's Daughter		310	(5)
LA Girls Have Their Own Category		315	(16)
Tucker Max: Baby Killer		331	(5)
The Midgets Strike Back		336	(13)
I Fucked Tucker Max!		349	(16)
The Penn State Lemondrop Girl		349	(8)
Texts from Tucker Max's Night		357	(2)
The Handprint Story		359	(5)
Objectification		364	(1)
Good Game, Great Game, and No Game		365	(14)
Prelude to Hilarity Ensues		379	(2)
Bonus Section: Other Perspectives From the People Who Were There		381