If I Was Your Girl
By Ni-Ni Simone
DAFINA BOOKS
Copyright © 2008
Ni-Ni Simone
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-7582-2841-3
Chapter One
"This is my jam, right here!" I screamed as we
drove down Bergen Street with the sounds of
Playaz Circle's "Duffle Bag Boy" blasting from the
car into the street. We'd just left the Hot 97 King
of Rap concert at the Prudential Center and were
still high from the night's festivities.
"Girl, did you see how Lil Wayne was looking at
me?" my sister, Seven, said as she danced in the
back seat.
"You lying, Seven," Tay laughed, as she drove
down the street, looking at her in the rearview
mirror. "You know Weezie was lookin' at me."
"I know y'all ain't on my baby daddy!" I stopped
singing long enough to chime in.
"Girl, please," Seven snapped. "You got enough
baby daddies!"
We all laughed as I turned up the volume and
started singing again.
"I ain't nevah ran from a
damn thing and I damn sure ain't 'bout to pick
today to start runnin'."
As I threw my arms in the air, Tay said, "Toi, ain't
that Quamir's truck?" She pointed across Rector
Street.
I looked at the tags on the black Escalade. "Hell,
yeah." I turned the music down.
"And ain't that Shanice's house?" Seven asked.
"I thought he stopped messing with her."
"We don't know if that's her house," I snapped
defensively. "You always jumping to conclusions."
Tay looked at me out the corner of her eyes.
"You need to stop frontin'," she spat, "you know
that's where the skeezer lives." Tay double parked
in the street, next to Quamir's truck. "Now the
question is, what you gon' do about it?"
"Nothin'," Seven jumped in. "You don't bring it
to nobody else's spot." She sucked her teeth. "If
anything we can slice his tires and bounce."
"Slice his tires?" Tay snapped, "that is so whack."
She looked at me. "You know this is ridiculous
right? And I'm not slicing no tires or breaking no
windows, he gon' put up or shut up. 'Cause frankly,
I can't take you crying over this dude anymore."
"Confront him and what?" Seven spat. "If we
not gon' key up his ride then we need to bounce."
She turned to me. "You've seen it with your own
eyes, so now you know you need to leave 'im
alone." Seven wiggled her neck from side to side.
"Bounce?" Tay sucked her teeth. "Girl, please,
we 'bout to handle this."
Neither of them had noticed that I hadn't said a
word. I was in shock, but then again I wasn't. I
just wasn't in the mood to react to something that
obviously wasn't going to change, but there was
no way I could let my sister or my best friend
think I was gon' allow Quamir to keep playing
me. I had to stand up for something, so I twisted
my neck and rolled my eyes. "I'ma ring the trick's
bell."
"There it is." Tay said, "there it is, and you
know I got your back."
At least for pride's sake I had to pretend like I
was strong. Strong enough, to at least beat this
bitch's ass for being with my baby daddy. "I'm
'bout to wild-out!"
"This what you do," Tay said as we got out the
car. "When she comes to the door, drag her ass
down the stairs. Don't even show her no mercy.
She knew Quamir was your dude, yet she keeps
calling him over here. Nah, we gon' end this right
now." Tay's lips popped twice as she zigzagged
her neck. She was the spitting image of the ghetto
twins in
ATL, with the attitude to match, which is
why I knew that if nothing else I could always
count on her to be down with the get down. Even
when I just wanted to curl up and die, she was on
guard.
"You know this don't make no sense, right?"
Seven said as she got out the car. "Mommy will
kick
our asses if she knew we were out here like
this! Forget Quamir!"
"Forget Quamir? Do you know how bad he
keep doggin' this fool?" Tay pointed at me.
"Don't call me no fool." I rolled my eyes as we
walked up the steps.
"My fault," she gave me a crooked smile. "You
know what I mean. Anyway, Seven, do you know
this is like ... the nineteenth time we ready to
pounce on ole boy? Girl, please forget Quamir. He's
takin' time away from me and my man. I wish I
would-"
"Tay." I was pissed and she was making it worse.
"You don't even have a man."
"Exactly," she whispered as I rang the bell. "And
I'm not gon' get one chasing behind yours."
"Excuse you?" I sucked my teeth.
"Don't get mad, kick ass. Show 'em what's really
hood. I'm tired of this dude playing you every other
week. Shit, I need some sleep."
"This don't make no sense." Seven tapped her
foot standing behind me. I could feel the warmth
of her breath as she sighed against my neck.
"For real, y'all," I said. "Not now, 'cause the way
I feel, y'all 'bout to get it. So my suggestion to you,"
I looked at Seven and then at Tay, "is to fall back."
"Excuse you?" Seven blinked her eyes.
"Be clear," Tay spat. "T-skee ain't the one. Let
Quamir and his new skeezer be the only ones you
feel comfortable bringin' it to-"
"No, I don't appreciate-"
"Toi-" Tay interrupted me.
"Don't cut me off!"
"Would you shut up?" she said, tight-lipped with
arched eyebrows. "Somebody's comin' to the door!"
Immediately, all the air left my body as I watched
Quamir open the door with Shanice standing beside
him. I couldn't believe this was happening to
me, especially since I knew Shanice. I mean, we
weren't friends, but we went to school together
and she knew Quamir was my man.
I could feel my eyes knocking in the back of my
head, but now was not the time to cry. So I held
my tears back as best I could, and looked at Shanice's
face. I couldn't deny how pretty she was, and
for a moment I wondered if Quamir thought she
was prettier than me. We were both the color of
fresh apple butter, yet her eyes glistened like full
moons, while mine were almond shaped. I had a
dimpled smile and she had a wide one. Unless I
had my hair flat ironed straight, it fell over my
shoulders in an abundance of ocean waves, but
ole girl wore a cheap blond clip weave. Wait a
minute, I just found a flaw, at least my hair is real.
Now I had the souped-up confidence I needed to
handle my business. "This what you want, Quamir?"
"Yo'," he said, surprised. "What are you doing
here?"
"What you think?" I pointed my hand like a gun
in his face, yet looking dead in hers. "This the
tramp you want?"
"What is she doin' at my door, Quamir? You
don't be coming to my house!" Shanice screamed,
jumping up and down, acting as if at any moment
she was gon' bring it.
"I know she ain't stuntin'," Tay snapped. "Oh,
hell no!"
"And what?" Shanice hunched her shoulders.
"He don't want her and she knows it!"
True story, I wanted to just walk away, but my
mixed emotions wouldn't let me leave like that. I
needed Quamir to see the pain on my face, and
then maybe he would understand what he was
doing to me. I felt like I was in a trance, or better
yet blazed; like everything was moving in slow
motion, a euphoric high that made me feel like
nothing was real. Nevertheless, I had to do this. I
had to teach this chick a lesson about messing
with my man or better yet, teach him a lesson
about messing around on me.
Therefore, I pushed all rational thought out of
my mind and let my heart and bruised emotions
lead the way. I reached over Quamir's shoulder
and yanked Shanice by the hair. All hell broke
loose! I pounced on my prey like crazy, sending
the entire porch into an uproar. I'm not sure how
Quamir moved out of the way, but all I knew is
that he was standing there watching as I dragged
her down the stairs by her hair, causing parts of
her weave to fly into the breeze.
"What I tell you about my man, trick!" I swung
with all I had as I pulled her into the street. The
flashing streetlamp that shone above us splashed
like a spotlight into her frightened face.
"Toi!" Quamir screamed, running down the
stairs, the soles of his Timberlands thumping against
the wood. "Yo, chill."
Chill? To hell with chill-all chill could do for
me at that moment was get its ass beat.
"What?" Tay said in killer mode. "I know you
ain't tryna do nothin', Quamir!"
Quamir ignored her. Instead, he stood there
watching with his left thumb tucked behind his
belt buckle with a smirk on his face, all while I
beat this girl down.
The girl threw a punch, but I ducked, came
back up, and caught her in the chin.
"Shanice, Toi, I said chill," Quamir said with
ease. I could tell he wanted to laugh because I
could hear the sounds in his throat.
Although Shanice was trying to fight back, I was
beatin' on her like crazy as Quamir stood there
and watched as if this was his favorite pastime entertainment.
"Slap her!" Tay shouted. "Her face is clear again,
Toi!"
"That's enough!" Seven yelled as she tried to
pull me off of Shanice. Seeing that she wasn't successful,
Quamir jumped in and lifted me up by my
waist. Instantly, the fight ceased.
As Quamir put me down, he stood with his
back to me as Shanice ran up and started pushing
her chest against his. "Get out the way!"
My chest was heaving up and down. "Bring it!"
I spat. "Bring ... it!"
Tay shot me a high five, and wagged her tongue
out like a salivating dog, "You ... spank dat ...
ass!" she hunched her shoulders toward Shanice,
who was still pushing against Quamir. "Booyah!"
"Yo," Quamir pushed Shanice back. "What I say?"
"Bring it! Please bring it!" I was screaming at
the top of my lungs.
"Let me go, Quamir!" Shanice pushed against
him and pointed at me. "I promise you, I'ma get
you jumped, you ain't gon' never be able to walk
these streets again! You really don't know who I
am!"
"You ain't shit!" I yelled, "I just whooped yo'
ass in front of your house and ain't nobody come
out to help you? Girl, please."
"My mother ain't home, otherwise she'd would've
shot yo' azz!"
I yawned, and tapped my lips, "What ... eva!"
Shanice snorted, her weave hanging by a strand
on her head. "You crazy bitch!" she struggled to
reach for me, "I hate you! You know I'ma kill her,
Quamir!"
"Chill," he said sternly.
"This yo' chick, Quamir?" I mushed him in the
back of his head. "This your girl?"
"I'm his baby's mother, you stupid jump-off!
He told you to step but you keep holding on!"
Did she just say baby mother? I looked at Tay
for confirmation and her face went from confident
and proud to surprised. Then I looked at
Seven, who wore an
"I told you so" face.
Whatever. How she gon' have a baby by him
and I just had one? This chick lyin'. "He ain't
never told me to step," I carried on. "You wish!
And girl, you don't have no baby by him. Please!"
Of all things, I know Quamir wouldn't have no
baby on me. We were a family; his other two baby
mamas were crazy, I wasn't, which is why he
told me I was the one. I looked at Shanice, "Lose
ya'self!"
"Oh, you ain't never told her about our son,
Quamir?" Shanice said.
Son? I had the son.
"You ain't never told her to step, Quamir?"
Shanice mushed Quamir in the face. "Oh, you her
man?"
"What, you ain't know?" My words floated over
his shoulder. "You better tell her somethin',
Quamir."
"Quamir!" Shanice screamed.
"Quamir," I shouted. "Tell her, and tell her to
stop lying on you!"
Quamir's head turned back and forth from me
to Shanice over and over again. For a moment, he
looked as if he were going crazy, but I didn't care.
I desperately wanted him to validate what I was
saying and straight out call this girl a liar.
"Quamir!" Shanice and I screamed simultaneously.
"Yo, for real," he snapped. "Both y'all gettin'
on my nerves! True story, I ain't rockin' wit' neither
one of y'all like that."
For some reason, as if we were doing a dance,
we all stepped back. "What you say?" I think I
heard wrong.
"Oh, you ain't with me, Quamir?" Shanice spat.
"You been at my house every night this week and
we ain't together? You're the one who asked me
to have our baby so we would be a family-"
What she just say?
"And now," she continued on, "all of a sudden
you ain't with me?" She pushed him in his chest.
"Oh, we ain't together?"
He asked her what ...?
"Go 'head, Shanice." He pointed his finger in
her face.
My voice trembled as I said, "I can't believe
this!" I felt sooooo dumb. Here I was, battling with
a buncha lies, fighting for the sake of proving a
useless point.
"It's over, Quamir. This who you choosing?" I
pointed over his shoulder. "You can have that stank
ho! We through! You ain't nothin'; you don't take
care of your son no way. Mama's boy! Trying so
hard to be a playa but can't get outcha mama's
basement. Your whole existence is a joke. I don't
know whether to laugh in your face or spit in it."
I turned around to walk away, and Quamir
yanked me by my hair so hard that I was dizzy.
Seven and Tay immediately jumped between us. I
looked at the rage in Quamir's eyes and I knew he
wasn't playing. My heart thumped in my chest.
"It's cool," I said to them as they stood in front of
me.
"I been waitin' to kick yo' azz!" Tay said.
"Tay!" I snapped. "Chill. Y'all move and let me
hear what he got to say." Before they could move
on their own, Quamir pushed them to the side and
stood in front of me.
"Who you talkin' to, Toi?" he said, sounding
more like my father than my man.
I didn't answer.
"Don't you ever in your stupid life talk to me
like that! You so stupid and dumb. This why don't
nobody else want you! And no matter how I keep
tryna stay with you, you keep actin' dumb! You
need to get outta my business, retarded ho! You
came around here actin' like a clown and all we
gon' do is laugh at you."
"Don't be talking to her like that!" Seven
screamed.
"You the stupid one!" Tay said.
"I know you ain't talkin' to me, you crazy ass,
crack-head baby!" he spat with a sinister laugh.
"And what are you, Quamir?" Seven said. "At
least Tay got an excuse."
Tay blinked her eyes. "Excuse me?"
"Ho, please," Quamir snorted. "I'm definitely
not gon' argue with no virgin."
Feeling as if I was due to pass out at any
minute, I fought with all I had to at least sound
strong. "Boy, please. You been with this raggedy
ho all week, and you talkin'!" The tears dancing in
my throat stopped me mid-sentence. "This really
yo' baby mama, Quamir?"
"Did I tell you I had another baby? Uh, answer
me!"
Silence.
"Answer me!" he screamed.
"No!"
"Well then, why you assuming things?"
"What?" Shanice screamed, a flood of tears
streaming down her face. "So what is you sayin'?
That we don't have a son?" She punched him in
his chest. "You sayin' he ain't yours?"
"Stupid tramp!" I tossed in the wind. "This
broad really got a baby by you?" Suddenly, I felt
like my son had been reduced to nothing. He wasn't
the oldest, he wasn't the youngest, he wasn't even
the one by the baby mama his daddy loved. He
was just one of Quamir's kids. "You ain't nothing,
Quamir! Matter of fact, it doesn't even matter
what you do 'cause I'm out!"
"And I'm done with you, too." Shanice said.
"I'm sick of you cheating on me!"
"Hos is always schemin'," Quamir said. "Man,
please. Both y'all knew the deal and now you tryna
act like you ain't know about the other? Now if
you wanna stomp each other, then don't talk
about it, be about it!" He stepped from in front of
me. "What I care!"
Shanice started going off on Quamir, but I stood
there. Stunned. Embarrassed. Wishing I could fly
away and nobody would see me. Although he hadn't
hit me, I felt like I'd been beaten. Why would he
play me like this? What happened to him falling
on his knees and telling this chick I was wifey?
I became anxious and didn't know what to do,
where to turn, or how to act. I thought about crying
but couldn't get any tears to come out. Then I
thought about dying, but thinking of my son reminded
me I had a reason to live. Then it hit me,
I felt like nothing, as if all my wind had been
sucked out and all that was left was a worthless
shell.
"I'm leaving," Seven spat. "If you wanna stay
here and take this crap, then do you, but me, I'm
outta here!"
I stood there for a moment before walking
backward to the car and getting in. I knew I
looked crazy; I felt out of my mind. As the three of
us got in the car and slammed the doors, I tried
my best to believe what I was about to say. "I am
so done with his ass!" I sniffed as tears covered
my cheeks like glaze. "And I know he gon' come
back beggin' me ... like he always does. But I
promise you, he gon' have to work real hard to
get back with me. 'Cause I'm not beat for this no
more!"
"You sound," Seven said, shaking her head as
we drove off, "so damn dumb."
Excerpted from If I Was Your Girl
by Ni-Ni Simone
Copyright © 2008 by Ni-Ni Simone.
Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.