Acknowledgments | p. xiii |
Foreword | p. xv |
Introduction | p. xvii |
My Story | p. xix |
How to Use This Book | p. xx |
Part 1 Reclaiming Your Rights | p. 1 |
Chapter 1 Understanding Your Rights | p. 3 |
Narcissists Violate Human Rights | p. 3 |
Coming Out of Denial | p. 5 |
Reclaiming Your Rights | p. 6 |
Recognizing the Narcissist's Hypocrisy | p. 7 |
Understanding Your Anger | p. 8 |
Understanding Your Needs | p. 9 |
Chapter 2 Identifying the Narcissist in Your Life | p. 10 |
Why an Official Diagnosis of NPD Is Unlikely | p. 10 |
Recognizing What You're Dealing With | p. 11 |
A Word of Caution | p. 12 |
Part 2 Narcissistic Personality Disorder | p. 13 |
Chapter 3 Traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder | p. 15 |
Narcissism Fictions and Facts | p. 15 |
Defining Traits of Narcissism | p. 17 |
Other Traits of Narcissism | p. 22 |
The Narcissist's Fears | p. 27 |
Things Narcissists Don't Do | p. 29 |
Narcissistic "Quirks" | p. 32 |
The Narcissist Online | p. 34 |
Narcissistic Boredom | p. 36 |
Chapter 4 Causes of Narcissism and the Narcissist's impaired Empathy | p. 38 |
Causes and Development of Narcissism | p. 38 |
The Narcissist's Impaired Empathy | p. 39 |
Effects of the Narcissist's Impaired Empathy | p. 42 |
Chapter 5 Closet, Exhibitionist, and Malignant Narcissism | p. 47 |
Closet Narcissism Versus Exhibitionist Narcissism | p. 47 |
Malignant Narcissism | p. 52 |
Chapter 6 Narcissistic Abuse | p. 54 |
Narcissism Is on Abusive Disorder | p. 55 |
Behind the Mask: The Bully, Coward, Liar, and Fraud | p. 56 |
Patterns of Narcissistic Abuse | p. 58 |
Chapter 7 The Health Fallout of Narcissistic Trauma | p. 63 |
CPTSD in Narcissistically Abused Children | p. 64 |
Part 3 The Narcissistic Family | p. 71 |
Chapter 8 Rules and Roles in the Narcissistic Family | p. 73 |
The Narcissistic Family Profile | p. 74 |
Rules of Engagement | p. 75 |
Family Roles | p. 79 |
Chapter 9 Patterns in the Narcissistic Family | p. 92 |
Isolation | p. 92 |
Rage | p. 94 |
Projection | p. 96 |
Shaming | p. 99 |
Gaslighting | p. 101 |
Triangulating | p. 104 |
Cognitive Distortions | p. 105 |
Smear Campaigns | p. 107 |
Suicide and Other Tragedies | p. 109 |
Chapter 10 Chasing the Narcissist's Respect and Love | p. 111 |
The Narcissist's "Respect" | p. 111 |
The Narcissist's Contempt | p. 112 |
The Narcissist's "Love" | p. 113 |
Chapter 11 Why Narcissism Runs in Families | p. 116 |
Narcissism Is Your Normal | p. 116 |
Monkey See, Monkey Do | p. 117 |
Biology | p. 117 |
Generational Trauma | p. 118 |
Part 4 Partners of Narcissists | p. 119 |
Chapter 12 Romance, Partnership, and Breakup with a Narcissist | p. 121 |
Romantic Idealization | p. 121 |
Devaluation and Discard | p. 122 |
Why You Didn't See It Coming | p. 123 |
Life with the Narcissist: Hell in a Hamster Wheel | p. 124 |
Personality Types Who Fall for Narcissists | p. 125 |
Is Your Partner a Narcissist? | p. 126 |
The Narcissist as Human Parasite | p. 129 |
Chapter 13 Codependency and Narcissism | p. 131 |
The Enabler/Codependent | p. 131 |
Codependent Patterns | p. 132 |
Trauma Bonding | p. 134 |
Overcoming Codependency | p. 136 |
The Narcissist as Naked Emperor | p. 138 |
Chapter 14 Staying with or Leaving Your Narcissistic Partner | p. 140 |
Staying in the Relationship | p. 140 |
Leaving Your Partner | p. 145 |
Chapter 15 Parenting with a Narcissist | p. 147 |
Protecting Your Children from Your Narcissistic Spouse | p. 147 |
Ways to Support Your Children | p. 148 |
Ways to Help Your Children Cope with Family Roles | p. 152 |
Protecting Your Children from Codependency | p. 158 |
Parallel Parenting with a Narcissist Ex | p. 159 |
Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome | p. 162 |
Part 5 Children of Narcissists | p. 165 |
Chapter 16 The Under- and Overparented Child | p. 167 |
Idealization and Devaluation | p. 168 |
Parentification: The Upside-Down Child-Parent Relationship | p. 168 |
Neglect | p. 169 |
Engulfment | p. 172 |
Infantilization | p. 174 |
Overindulgence | p. 175 |
Overpraising | p. 177 |
Chapter 17 Understanding and Overcoming Your Family Role | p. 181 |
The Usual Suspects: Child Roles and How They Are Assigned | p. 181 |
Scapegoat | p. 182 |
Golden Child | p. 184 |
Lost Child | p. 185 |
Mascot | p. 186 |
Chapter 18 Sibling Relationships | p. 191 |
Why Narcissistic Parents Divide Their Children | p. 191 |
The Divide-and-Conquer Strategy | p. 195 |
Coping with the Golden Child Sibling | p. 195 |
Sibling Relationships in Adulthood | p. 196 |
Part 6 Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse | p. 201 |
Chapter 19 Processing Your Trauma | p. 203 |
Why Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse Trauma Takes So Long | p. 203 |
Facing Reality | p. 206 |
Understanding Your Grief | p. 206 |
Feeling Your Grief | p. 207 |
States of Grief | p. 208 |
Reassessing Your Stones | p. 211 |
Adult Children Ending the Cycle | p. 214 |
Adult Children as Parents | p. 215 |
The Role of Therapy: Rewards, Risks, and What to Look for in a Therapist | p. 216 |
Chapter 20 Managing the Narcissist in Your Life | p. 220 |
When the Narcissist Is Nice | p. 220 |
Asserting Boundaries | p. 222 |
What to Expect from the Aging Narcissist | p. 228 |
Tips for Handling Aging Narcissistic Parents | p. 231 |
Chapter 21 Steps to Recovery | p. 234 |
Healing Strategies | p. 234 |
Trust Your instincts | p. 250 |
Process Your Foreshortened Sense of the Future | p. 251 |
Take a Self-Inventory | p. 254 |
Embrace Your Vulnerability | p. 261 |
Welcome Back Your Inner Exiles | p. 262 |
Chapter 22 Moving On: From Harsh to Healing Lessons | p. 264 |
Letting Go and Moving On | p. 265 |
Healing Takeaways | p. 266 |
Glossary | p. 269 |
Resources | p. 275 |
Sources | p. 277 |
Index | p. 285 |