You're not listening : what you're missing and why it matters /

Enhanced descriptions from Syndetics:

When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you?

"If you're like most people, you don't listen as often or as well as you'd like. There's no one better qualified than a talented journalist to introduce you to the right mindset and skillset--and this book does it with science and humor."
-Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Originals and Give and Take

**Hand picked by Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, Susan Cain, and Daniel Pink for Next Big Ideas Club**

"An essential book for our times."
-Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

At work, we're taught to lead the conversation.
On social media, we shape our personal narratives.
At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians.
We're not listening.
And no one is listening to us.

Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect, it seems no one is really listening or even knows how. And it's making us lonelier, more isolated, and less tolerant than ever before. A listener by trade, New York Times contributor Kate Murphy wanted to know how we got here.

In this always illuminating and often humorous deep dive, Murphy explains why we're not listening, what it's doing to us, and how we can reverse the trend. She makes accessible the psychology, neuroscience, and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there (including a CIA agent, focus group moderator, bartender, radio producer, and top furniture salesman). Equal parts cultural observation, scientific exploration, and rousing call to action that's full of practical advice, You're Not Listening is to listening what Susan Cain's Quiet was to introversion. It's time to stop talking and start listening.

Reviews provided by Syndetics

Library Journal Review

Murphy offers real-life examples with informative, entertaining, and practical accounts of successful and unsuccessful listening behaviors while educating about exactly what listening means, why genuine listening is important, and ways people can successfully become excellent listeners who stand out from the crowd. She makes accessible the psychology, neuroscience, and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there (including a CIA agent, focus group moderator, bartender, radio producer, and top furniture salesman). Read by the author, Murphy's smooth and passionate reading is a joy to hear. While there is no thought repetition between disks, it is unnecessary as the information flows smoothly between disk changes and listening breaks. Murphy's apparent passion for her subject enthralls. VERDICT This title is well suited to a wide variety of audiences from communications majors and faculty to career salespeople, business owners, managers, politicians, educators, and parents--basically, anyone dependent upon communicating with other people.--Laurie Selwyn, formerly with Grayson Cty. Law Lib., Sherman, TX

Booklist Review

What do NPR's Terry Gross, LBJ, and con men have in common? They are all or were exceptionally talented at listening. In this celebratory compendium of the underappreciated art of truly hearing another's perspective, New York Times contributor Murphy outlines the characteristics of good listeners, presents research into the benefits and significant outcomes of listening, and makes a strong case for adjusting how we approach conversations in our professional and personal lives. With insights from skilled listeners, including a hostage negotiator, focus-group moderator, air-traffic controller, hairstylist, priest, and many others, along with her own experiences interviewing sources for articles, Murphy explores how we can better understand those around us. Too often, she says, we merely wait for our turn to talk in a conversation. With concrete advice and a wealth of guidelines, readers will come away with tips for a better approach, one that can be exceptionally useful, whether in the boardroom or at home. In an era dominated by incessant broadcasting and attention-seeking behavior on social media, listening offers both a salve and a solution.--Bridget Thoreson Copyright 2019 Booklist

Kirkus Book Review

A lively debut that asserts the power of closing our mouths and opening our ears.Houston-based journalist Murphy delves into the academic research on listening, which tends to be scantier than that on its noisier cousin, talking, and chronicles her interviews with those whose work revolves around hearing and paying attention, including a priest, a bartender, and a CIA agent. The author suggests that what might seem at first to be a passive activity is in fact an active, demanding one and a skill that can be learned with practice. At the basis of listening, Murphy maintains, is a sharp curiosity and the kind of openness that indicates the hearer has something to learn from the speaker. The author recommends thinking of active listening as a form of meditation. During a conversation, "you make yourself aware of and acknowledge distractions, then return to focus. But instead of focusing on your breathing or an image, you return your attention to the speaker." She points out that one of the primary obstacles to listening is the assumption that we know what someone is going to say, which means, unfortunately, that we're least likely to pay attention to the people closest to us, including spouses, children, and friends. In a chapter that is particularly helpful and relevant in our increasingly polarized world, Murphy offers suggestions on "Listening to Opposing Views," including recognizing the rather remarkable fact that when people with "staunch political views" are challenged on them, "their brains reacted as if they were being chased by a bear." On a practical level, the author also recognizes that it's not necessary to "listen to everyone until they run out of breath." While the narrative runs out of steam toward the end, repeating points that have already been made, it offers enough valuable advice and concrete suggestions to make it worth reading, even for those who already think they know how to listen.A valuable corrective for a talkative culture. Copyright Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

Author notes provided by Syndetics

Kate Murphy is a Houston, Texas-based journalist who has written for The New York Times, The Economist, Agence France-Presse, and Texas Monthly .