Managing change in the age of Covid-19

We are living through times unlike any other. The Covid-19 pandemic has left most people, including me, feeling stressed, worried, disoriented and wishing we could just get back to “normal.” No one is untouched by what is going on. For parents, it may mean homeschooling their young children while also trying to focus on getting their own jobs done remotely. Seniors may be isolated at home, unable to see anyone in person while worrying about how to keep essential supplies stocked. Others may have lost their jobs due to the lockdown and have no idea how they will support themselves in the weeks ahead. Essential workers are fighting just to get through their work day while feeling terrified they will get the virus or take it home to loved ones.

As I’ve grappled on both a personal and professional level myself to cope with this challenging time, I’ve been reminded of the work of the late William Bridges, who wrote a book in 1980 titled “Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes.” When I first read it years ago, it resonated deeply with me on a personal level. For the first time, I truly understood some of the challenges I had faced in my life in dealing with changes, both ones I had chosen for myself and ones that I had forced upon me. When I eventually began teaching a course on managing change and transition using Bridges’ book as a required reading, I developed an even deeper appreciation for the way his simple model seemed to resonate with my students. Many told me that they also, for the first time in their lives, were able to make sense of their experiences of coping with change using Bridges’ model and that it helped them to put things into perspective and truly begin healing and moving on.

As I’ve watched this terrible pandemic unfold around the world, I’m struck by how Bridges’ model can help us understand and make sense of what we are experiencing. We have lost our sense of normalcy. It feels surreal, like something out of a movie. The routines and structures of our lives and our society have been ripped away overnight. We are struggling to cope with the losses this situation has brought to our lives and wonder when, if ever, we can get back to “normal.” Using Bridges’ model, we can try to come to grips with this situation by first understanding the difference between change and transition. 

Change is usually tied to an external event or situation such as getting a new job or having a baby. One example of a change in the current situation is being forced to self-isolate alone or with family members while adjusting to working remotely and living with restrictions we’ve never experienced before. According to Bridges, change can usually be seen to happen at a fixed point in time, and often happens quickly. We can usually identify the specific date and time we start a new job or have a baby. For example, if you have changed from commuting to your workplace every day to working remotely, that change took place on a specific day when you were informed that you would be working from home for the foreseeable future. It seems that almost overnight we changed from living our lives freely to having to re-think everything we do and every interaction we have with other people. It’s unnerving and disorienting. We’ve had the metaphorical rug ripped out from beneath us. We know the reasons why we are doing this and that we will have to continue social distancing for a while. So why is it so hard?

Although we can understand intellectually when a change has taken place, we tend to overlook the process of adjusting to that change and sometimes think it should be instantaneous. Transition, says Bridges, is the internal psychological process people experience as a result of an external change. It involves adjusting emotionally and psychologically to a change in our lives. It happens over a period of time that varies for everyone. Regardless of how long it takes, it’s seldom a quick, easy process and is usually accompanied by anxieties and fears, even if we view the event as positive. If you’ve ever had a baby, you know what I’m talking about. You brought that bundle of joy home on a specific date, but how was the process of adjusting to having a baby? It likely took you months, perhaps even years, to adjust to this life-changing event.

If we think about an example in the current situation, how did you feel during the first few days of working from home? Were you able to just sit down, focus and start working the very first day? Or did you have trouble concentrating or feel less productive at the end of the first day, and even every day since then? If you had to stop working to stay home and can’t work remotely, how are you feeling each day when you can’t follow your usual routine? Are you having trouble sleeping, feeling more anxious and less patient with loved ones? Whatever you are feeling, you’ve got lots of company. Rather than repressing your feelings, Bridges says, along with many mental health experts, that it’s healthier to recognize and accept your emotions than to repress them or carry on as if it’s “business as usual.” He also says there are three phases in the transition process. Recognizing where we are in the process can help us to at least understand why we are feeling what we’re feeling.

The first phase of transition, according to Bridges, is the “ending” phase. Bridges says every transition starts with an ending and letting go of something. This may be a way of life, an attitude or belief, or a material or tangible thing. These are the losses we must process and adjust to, even if they are temporary.

So, think about what you’ve lost in this situation. What has had to end in your own life, temporarily or permanently, due to the pandemic? How do you feel about that? It’s a hard thing to think about if you’ve had a heart-wrenching loss such as having a loved one die from this devastating virus or seeing your employer go bankrupt. If thinking about these losses makes you cry, that’s okay. This is a time to cry. If you feel angry, feel free to pound a fist on your pillow. Right now, everyone is experiencing losses. Many are grieving—for loved ones who have been taken by this unforgiving virus, for paid work that has disappeared along with the income needed to support their families, even for the sense of safety in a society where a brief interaction with a total stranger may be enough to kill you or a loved one. We are worried about family members who are high-risk and vulnerable. We are struggling to absorb the mounting death toll around the world. At times, I feel gutted at seeing the loss of life on a global level. It’s okay to feel sad, mad, afraid, or all of these emotions at the same time.

Bridges says the ending phase is followed by the “neutral zone.” This stage starts after the ending is in process or complete. The neutral zone is like a “no-man’s-land” or limbo—in between the old reality and the new. The old way is gone, but we may not know what the new reality is going to be. Moving from one place to another is a good metaphor for the neutral zone. When you are changing your residence, after you load everything on the moving truck, during that period when you are driving to your new place, for a while you’re in between. You’ve left the old place but don’t belong yet in the new place. The neutral zone often overlaps with ending and in fact we may bounce back and forth between the ending phase and the neutral zone for some time. This is where most of us are right now—still trying to process how everything has changed and what we’ve lost, even just temporarily, while we are at the same time in a holding pattern.

The neutral zone is an uncomfortable place for most people as we’ve lost what was familiar but we often don’t yet know what’s coming. It is usually the hardest part of being in a transitional phase as we are now. In the neutral zone, the feelings that began in the ending phase may become so crushing that we may feel overwhelmed, even paralyzed, by sadness, grief, anxiety and depression. Sound familiar? As a society, many of us are in this neutral zone now, collectively holding our breath and eagerly watching for any sign that this is going to be over soon. The uncertainty of when this will happen is hard to bear. We just want to get out of this painful and uncomfortable limbo. Unfortunately, it does not appear it will be over soon, and we are likely in for a protracted neutral zone as a society. Things will not just magically open up and go back to normal overnight.

The mistake a lot of people make is thinking there’s something wrong with feeling these emotions in the neutral zone. They don't understand what's happening to them and why they are feeling so emotional. They may withdraw from other people as they feel there must be something wrong with them. They may put on a good face and pretend they are okay each day while repressing their emotions. Or they may numb themselves so they don’t feel anything. It’s essential to acknowledge this discomfort and manage it in ways that are good for our well-being over the long term.

The only way through this roller coaster ride is to ride it out until it comes to an end. The ups and downs are hard to take and require that we pay more attention than ever to our self-care during this time. Some strategies mental health experts recommend include:

·      Reach out for help if you feel overwhelmed by worry and anxiety. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You are not alone. If you don’t have a friend or family member you can talk with, find resources in your own community to support you. Call a distress line or make use of online counselling services, some of which are now being offered at no cost. You can access a list of services at https://www.ontario.ca/page/mental-health-services

·      Create a daily schedule or structure if you find that helpful. For some, being temporarily relieved from the “daily grind” is a blessing, while others may get up every day feeling a bit lost about what to do. If you are the kind of person who, like me, prefers to have a clear routine most days, try to create something that parallels your usual schedule. You don’t necessarily have to set an alarm, but try to get up at the same time every day. Designate clear work hours if you’re working from home. Set a specific time each day to do some stretches, exercise, yoga or whatever is your normal workout routine. Spend 5 minutes with your eyes closed and just focus on your breathing. Try to get some fresh air even if you just open up all the windows in your apartment or home.

·      Be easy on yourself. You may think, as I have, that being at home all the time should mean you can really crank out the work, or clean your home from top to bottom, or just complete all the undone tasks on your endless to-do list. Don’t expect yourself to be a paragon of productivity. These are difficult and distracting times. If you feel tired or upset, give yourself a break and come back at it tomorrow. Set realistic goals for what you want to achieve each day. You’ll feel better about getting things done by setting smaller goals.

·      Focus on what you can control. One of the hardest things about being in the neutral zone is the feeling that we are not in control. Other than practicing social distancing to flatten the curve, there is little else that most of us can do to influence the situation. Find activities that are meaningful for you to focus on. Can you do something from the confines of your home to help others, even if it’s just calling an isolated senior in your community to check on them? Is there a topic or skill you’ve been meaning to learn about? There are many free courses being offered online right now where you can learn a new skill or just watch tutorials on topics of interest to you. LinkedIn Learning is a good place to start. Take action on what you can, even if it’s just a distraction to help you pass the time.

·      Engage in creative activities. Often we can express our emotions through creative means that we find hard to talk about. Consider writing your thoughts and feelings in a journal, for your eyes only. Try your hand at sketching or just pick up that craft project that’s been sitting in the cupboard for a while. Blow the dust off your guitar and try a few tunes.

·      Limit news exposure. Stay informed by checking the headlines once a day, then turn off the news. Don’t watch the news first thing when you get up or just before going to sleep. Bury it somewhere in the middle of the day and do things you enjoy before and after watching it so it’s not the first thing you see in the morning or the last thing you think about before going to sleep.  

The third phase that Bridges talks about is the “new beginning.” We’re not there yet and we don’t know when we will be. We want that new beginning to start now, as a signal that we can finally get back to the life we are used to. Being in limbo is uncomfortable, but that’s where we are right now. When we wish for things to go back to “normal,” we are saying we want to re-start our lives and our familiar routines. Chances are, even when the social distancing restrictions are lifted, we will emerge forever changed. We just don’t know what that “new normal” will look like yet. If this feels hard, it’s because it is. For now, it may be that all we can do is to buckle up and hold on for this rocky ride through the neutral zone. Do your best to stay calm, focused and resolute. We will get through this. We will.