Foreword / by Emma Watson -- Undesirable No. 1, or, Draco's first scrape with the law -- My muggle family, or, Runt of the pack -- Early editions, or, Mother Goose! -- The magic in the making, or, James Blond and the ginger whisker -- My brothers are already sick of it, or, Projectiles at the premiere -- Anna and the King, or, Clarice and Hannibal -- The Potter auditions, or, When Draco met Hermione -- The table read, or, Kiss kiss kiss on the bum -- Draco and Darwin, or, How Malfoy got his sneer -- Undesirable No. 1 (part 2), or, Gregory Goyle and the exploding hot chocolate -- A day on the set, or, Severus Snape's sausage sandwich -- Fans, or, How (not) to be a real dick -- How to fly a broomstick, or, The wasps and the wimp -- The best of both worlds, or, Broomstick prick -- Transfiguration troubles, or, Maggie and the millipede -- Dramione, or, The chicken and the duck -- The Weaslebees at work, or, Golfing with Gryffindorks -- Draco and Harry, or, Two sides of the same coin -- A bop on the nose, or, Crabbe, Hagrid and the spooky rubber Tom -- A kind word from Dumbledore, or, A breath of fresh air -- Alan Rickman's earlobes, or, Don't tread on my f*cking cloak! -- Undesirable No. 1 (part 3), or, The world's best/worst chaperone -- Malfoy's manner, or, A hug from Voldy -- All things must pass, or, The girl from the Great Hall -- Beyond the wand, or, Lonely in La-La Land -- The ballad of Barney's beanery, or, If I were a rich man -- Time well spent, or, Versions of myself -- Afterword.