| Women -- Biography |
| Death |
| Terminally ill -- Care. |
| Conduct of life |
| Death -- Philosophy |
| Dying |
| End of life |
| Dying persons |
| Fatally ill |
| Ethics, Practical |
| Morals |
| Personal conduct |
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Summary
Summary
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
A deeply transformative memoir that reframes how we think about death and how it can help us lead better, more fulfilling and authentic lives, from America's most visible death doula.
"A truly unique, inspiring perspective on the time we have, what we do with it, and how we let go of this world.... There is no one I'd trust more to guide me through an understanding of death, and how it informs life." -- Jodi Picoult, New York Times bestselling author of Mad Honey and The Book of Two Ways
"Briefly Perfectly Human is a beautiful, raw, light-bringing experience. Alua's voice is shimmering, singular, and pulses with humor, vulnerability, insight, and refreshing candor.... Be prepared for it to grab you, hold you tight, and raise the roof on the power of human connection." -- Tembi Locke, author of From Scratch: A Memoir of Love, Sicily, and Finding Home
For her clients and everyone who has been inspired by her humanity, Alua Arthur is a friend at the end of the world. As our country's leading death doula, she's spreading a transformative message: thinking about your death--whether imminent or not--will breathe wild, new potential into your life.
Warm, generous, and funny AF, Alua supports and helps manage end-of-life care on many levels. The business matters, medical directives, memorial planning; but also honoring the quiet moments, when monitors are beeping and loved ones have stepped out to get some air--or maybe not shown up at all--and her clients become deeply contemplative and want to talk. Aching, unfinished business often emerges. Alua has been present for thousands of these sacred moments--when regrets, fears, secret joys, hidden affairs, and dim realities are finally said aloud. When this happens, Alua focuses her attention at the pulsing center of her clients' anguish and creates space for them, and sometimes their loved ones, to find peace.
This has had a profound effect on Alua, who was already no stranger to death's periphery. Her family fled a murderous coup d'état in Ghana in the 1980s. She has suffered major, debilitating depressions. And her dear friend and brother-in-law died of lymphoma. Advocating for him in his final months is what led Alua to her life's calling. She knows firsthand the power of bearing witness and telling the truth about life's painful complexities, because they do not disappear when you look the other way. They wait for you.
Briefly Perfectly Human is a life-changing, soul-gathering debut, by a writer whose empathy, tenderness, and wisdom shimmers on the page. Alua Arthur combines intimate storytelling with a passionate appeal for loving, courageous end-of-life care--what she calls "death embrace." Hers is a powerful testament to getting in touch with something deeper in our lives, by embracing the fact of our own mortality. "Hold that truth in your mind," Alua says, "and wondrous things will begin to grow around it."
Reviews (3)
Publisher's Weekly Review
Arthur recalls in her elegant debut memoir how she became a death doula, providing emotional support and guidance to those who are nearing death. Eight years into a dissatisfying law career, Arthur was depressed, unmoored, and sure she'd "fumbled my way into a life I despised." On a trip to Cuba in search of answers, she had a transformative encounter with a woman suffering from uterine cancer; when she asked how the woman felt about the possibility of dying and learned no one had posed such a question before, Arthur knew she'd stumbled into her life's calling: "It breaks my heart that Jessica is dancing alone with death. I feel called to dance with her in that lonely place." Interweaving the account of her journey to becoming a death doula with digressions into her legal career, romantic relationships, bouts of depression, and childhood memories of fleeing Ghana with her family in the 1980s, Arthur poignantly recalls how her clients prepared for death, whether in quiet privacy or surrounded by music, art, and friends, "in full surrender, grateful for the gift to have been... human." Taken together, these stories portray death as simultaneously personal, universal, and unknowable, a complexity that Arthur acknowledges with consummate respect: "No certainty exists in the practice of death companioning.... The best I can do is be there with as they try to create answers for themselves." Readers of Caitlin Doughty and Lori Gottlieb will be fascinated. (Apr.)
Kirkus Review
A poetic, inspiring book about how embracing our mortality allows us to find our deepest selves and truly connect with others. Arthur has answered a unique calling: helping dying people come to terms with their imminent passing. As a "death doula," she has helped countless people during the end of their lives, and each of them has taught her something. She trained for the role, but it is her natural empathy that has made her exceptionally good at what she does, whether the dying person is facing the end with calm grace or fighting hard against the failing light. In fact, it is in their final hours when many people are at their best, showing the truth of their souls and accepting the failures, successes, secrets, and regrets of their lives. Arthur also helps bereaved families and friends with both the emotional strain of losing a loved one and the often complex bureaucratic processes of death. Her path to her vocation was not easy, with personal losses, some failed relationships, and a protracted stint of depression along the way. Arthur suggests that these experiences have made it easier to understand and help others, a view that has the ring of truth to it. There is an undeniable poignancy to her accounts of the passing of her clients, although the sadness is often tinged with courage and strength. "With the dizzying serendipity that must occur for us to be born, the fact that we live is a miracle….This is what I wish for all of us: a life that feels like the miracle it is and a death that serves as a period on a satisfying sentence," writes the author. "Because we live, we get to die. That is a gift." Arthur's powerful memoir underlines the value of every life. Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.
Booklist Review
Readers assuming a memoir from a death doula will be somber, sentimental, or sedate will be pleasantly surprised by this upbeat, entertaining, and life-affirming account. Arthur graduated from elite universities and practiced law for over a decade before discovering her true calling. Many people, she finds, are surprised by her appearance (5 feet, 10 inches, born in Ghana, dreads to the middle of her back, lots of piercings and ink) and methods--forthright, direct, and laser focused on the wishes of her clients, though not always on those of their caregivers. Witty, themed chapters explore the influences that led Arthur to her career as a death doula and shaped her training, outlook, and personal growth. Her descriptions of past cases, made up of composite characters in representative scenarios, showcase both her professionalism and her empathetic grace. She shares what she's learned: every day we live, we're one day older than we've ever been before and one day closer to death. It's time to love our ever-evolving selves and make the most of every day. Arthur's is wise, thoughtful, reassuring counsel.
Table of Contents
| Author Note | xi |
| Chapter 1 A Friend at the End | 1 |
| Chapter 2 The Body Always Wins | 17 |
| Chapter 3 Death at Our Heels | 27 |
| Chapter 4 Peter | 37 |
| Chapter 5 Show Up and Shut Up | 63 |
| Chapter 6 Teach Me How to Doula | 77 |
| Chapter 7 Stay Black and Die | 91 |
| Chapter 8 Finding Your Feet | 105 |
| Chapter 9 Fighting Losing Battles | 121 |
| Chapter 10 Hexagon-Shaped Peg | 135 |
| Chapter 11 Glimmer of Freedom | 145 |
| Chapter 12 Stepping off the Wheel | 159 |
| Chapter 13 Troubled Legacies | 171 |
| Chapter 14 People Who Need People | 191 |
| Chapter 15 Breaking Open | 207 |
| Chapter 16 Cuba Te Espera | 225 |
| Epilogue: Glitter Wave | 245 |
| Acknowledgments | 253 |