I work at a public library.

Everywhere, Little Fires

I was working at the children’s reference desk when a 7-year-old kid approached me.

Kid: “Do you have a book on fire?”

Me: “Do you mean a book about how fire works?”

Kid: “No. Like how to start a fire.”

Suddenly, the kid’s mother, who had been using our self-checkout machines came rushing over, saying, “Oh god, not again!” and the pair quickly left the building.

Filed under 031.32 Curiosities and Wonders submission

Many, But How

Patron: “Can I ask a dumb question?” 

Me: “Of course! There are no dumb questions!” 

Patron: “All right…what does ‘multi’ mean?” 

Me: “Oh, it means multiple. So a multi-use tool has multiple different uses.” 

Patron: “Right. But how many exactly? Does it mean one or two or three, or what?” 

Me: “Well, it means more than one.” 

Patron: “But in numbers how many is it?”

Filed under 025.52 Reference Work 302.2 Miscommunication submission

Ties, Family

Me [on phone]: “Hello this is the library calling. You recently turned in an empty DVD case. Can please look in your player?”

Woman: “Oh really? What’s it called?”

Me: “It Runs in the Family.”

Woman: “I BEG YOUR PARDON!”

Me: “That’s what it’s called! The DVD is called It Runs in the Family.”

Woman: “Oh, okay.”

Filed under 302.2 Miscommunication 621.385 Telephones submission

Plan, Backup

A young woman was standing around the entrance to the library before we opened, looking extremely impatient. As soon as the doors were unlocked, she very briskly walked to the front desk and immediately asked:

“Hi, do you give out Plan B at the library?”

Filed under 031.02 Curiosities and Wonders submission

Healed, Be

A priest walked up to the desk and my computer went down as soon as I tried to check out his items for him. After I told him what was happening, he grabbed the top of my monitor with both hands and said, “Be healed! Be healed!” 

Filed under 004.16 Computers submission

Embassies, Calling All


A patron approached me at the desk.

Patron: “I’m looking for the U.S. Embassy in the U.S.” 

Me: “Do you mean the U.S. Embassy in another country?”

Patron: “No, no! There must be one here. I need the address and phone number so I can call them.”

Me: “Well, the State Department may be the agency to call. But I can help you look for another country’s embassy in Washington D.C.”
 
Patron: “Okay, I’m looking for China, Japan, Africa…”

Me: “Which country in Africa?”

Patron: “Africa.” 

Me [turns computer screen] “Here is a list of the countries in Africa. Is there one you were looking for?”

Patron: “Ganya.”

Me: “Ghana? I can find that.”

Patron: “I also need the embassy of Alaska.” 

Me: “Alaska is part of the United States, so we have the same government. Alaska is a U.S. state.” 

Patron [writes that down] “Oh it is! How nice. Good for them.” 

Me: “What was the next country on your list?”

Filed under 302.2 Miscommunication submission 025.52 Reference Work publiclibraries libraries