The Ask
How to Ask for Support for Your Nonprofit Cause, Creative Project, or Business Venture
By Laura Fredricks
John Wiley & Sons
Copyright © 2010
John Wiley & Sons, Ltd
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-470-48094-6
Chapter One
What Money Means to You and
Why Ask?
Perhaps the most important part about
asking for money is understanding
your views on money. Note
that I said your views, not how the person you are asking for money
feels about money. So often we skip this very important step and dive
right into identifying and learning as much as we can about the person
or people we want to ask for money that we forget about getting in
touch with our own feelings about money.
In this chapter I will go through the important exercise of
exploring what money means to the asker because it is often the
deciding factor between those who can ask easily and those who find it
extremely difficult to ask. This is a very important psychological
exercise that anyone asking for money needs to experience. It is
essential that we explore our own values of what money means to
us, and as importantly, why we feel we deserve to get what we ask for.
This feeds directly into why many people hesitate and fear to make an
Ask. This chapter will detail the most obvious reason why people
hesitate and fear to make an Ask and will provide some creative
solutions to overcome those negative factors that prevent an Ask.
The topic of money is almost certain to open a floodgate, releasing
emotionally charged memories for many of us. Just say the word
"money" and a series of visual images come to mind, ranging from
childhood memories of the choices that had to be made within the
family, to the current time and how one lives. I always open my
training sessions with the question "What does money mean to you?"
The surprised looks on many people's faces say to me "Why does it
matter?" It matters because if you have a positive attitude and outlook
about money, then you know the positive transformational power it
can bring to deserving individuals and causes, and it makes the Ask go
smoothly. If money is viewed in negative terms, it becomes much
more difficult during the Ask because these negative feelings can
sabotage an Ask or make it extremely uncomfortable and unnatural
when asking for money.
Here are some of the responses I received when asking people who
want to learn how to ask others for money what money means to them:
Power Selection Responsibility
Freedom Control Giving
Choices Independence Love
Change Education Peace of mind
Opportunity Security
These are all very emotionally laden terms, and in preparing to ask
for money, they do surface in the mind of the asker. I do not mean to
suggest that if you grew up in a wealthy and comfortable household
and money was never a problem, asking for money will be an easy task.
This is not an issue of whether you grew up or currently possess an
abundance, moderation, or lack of money. However, it is important to
think about what money means to you right now.
Money can mean the following:
It can define your stature in life.
It can determine your success.
It can be why you need to work and why you work where
you do.
It can determine when and if you can retire.
It can set the parameters of what you can give to your loved ones
now or in the future.
It can make you reflect on whether you made the right choices
in life.
It can govern how much you can borrow.
It can govern how much you will inherit.
It can determine what and how much you can buy.
It can govern what you do in your free time.
It can determine where and how you live.
It can be a factor in your selection of health care coverage.
It can narrow, widen, or obliterate your vacation plans.
It can play a positive or negative role in your relations with
friends, colleagues, and business partners.
It can influence other personal relationships.
It can motivate you to be like others or to have similar things
and similar lifestyles.
It can govern how much you save.
It can govern how much you can invest.
It can govern how much you need to take out of your savings
and investments to live.
It can be a positive motivational factor in your life.
It can determine how much you can give to charity.
It can be a most stressful topic of conversation.
In short, money affects every aspect of your life, which is why it is
so important to come to terms with how you feel about money and
how it may influence your comfort level in asking for money.
On that note here is the first exercise:
Exercise #1: Write your own list of what money means to you
and whether those feelings would help or hinder your ability to
ask for money.
Another very important issue to explore for any asker is "What is
your first memory of when you knew it was important to give back and
help those people or organizations in need?" I like to ask this question
because everyone has a unique story to share about the first time they
gave money or raised money. All too often fundraisers do not share
enough about themselves personally with donors or those who have
the capacity to support a cause or a business venture, and these stories
tell a great deal about the character, integrity, and warmth fundraisers
have regarding their professions. Since I asked you about your first
memory, I shall share mine.
I was in sixth grade, at St. Matthews, Ridgefield, New Jersey, in
Sister Mary Rita's class. As with any Catholic grammar school, we sat
miserably in alphabetical order (for six years Michael Fick sat in front
of me and Carol Grinner sat in back of me!). Sister Mary Rita told us
that, tragically, a church had burned down in Newark, luckily no one
was hurt, and that we were to do "all that we can" to help raise money
to help rebuild the church. Welcome to your first capital campaign,
Laura. Sister told us that the eighth grade already raised $62. This was
sounding more and more like a challenge grant to me now. The person
who raised the most money would receive something that was blessed
by the Pope and it would have gold. Now to a sixth grader, if it was
blessed by the Pope, this would surely be our "ticket to heaven," and if
it had gold in it, then it must be as big and blinding as the largest
crucifix possible.
I had the bright idea of walking dogs to raise money. In sixth
grade, I was all of four feet, two inches. I probably should have quit
while I was ahead. I put a notice up in our local grocery store called the
Co-op that said "will walk your dog for 25 cents" with my telephone
number. I think I am really dating myself now. A short while later I
received a telephone call from a distant neighbor who told me to come
right away. I jumped on my green Sting-Ray bicycle with a leopard-skin
banana seat (I thought I was very cool back then) and went to his
home. I put the bicycle down and the neighbor opened the door. The
only thing separating me from death was a screen door because there
stood not one, but three Doberman pinschers, much larger than me
and quite eager to go outside. I negotiated with him that it would be
25 cents per dog, and knew from that minute on I would be a very
good attorney and sharp businesswoman some day.
After a few weeks of this dog-walking activity, I went to school
with tons of quarters from my afterschool job of dog walking. Sister
Mary Rita called us up one by one and of course counted what each of
us had raised. You guessed it, I had won the prize. It was a pink plaque,
with a postage-size "gold" inlay of Jesus. I sincerely hope it was blessed
by the Pope at that time because I still have the prize and I am still very
much counting on it to be my "ticket to heaven." Many years later,
here I am writing about how to ask for money. I firmly believe it all
began way back then raising money for that church that burned down
and all of us at St. Matthews and beyond who helped to rebuild the
church and the community.
I share this story with you because each of you has one just like it.
First and foremost, these stories are classic, touching, engaging, and it
should fill you with confidence that you have wanted to help those in
need for a very long time. Second, when and if appropriate, do share
your story with those people that you are cultivating and asking for
support. The more you share of yourself, the closer they are connected
to you and the faster trust and a lasting personal relationship will
be formed. Third, it makes the fundraising process so much more
enjoyable. Why should you know everything about the people who
may support you, your cause, or your business if they do not know
your values, your dedication, your commitment, and your inspiration
to raise money.
Why Do You Hesitate To Ask?
It is extremely common and in some instances very easy to put off the
Ask but it is very important to understand why people fear or hesitate
to make the Ask. Exhibit 1.1 is a list of the common issues that can get
in the way of the Ask. It is by no means exhaustive, but it does reflect
the major reasons why people hesitate to ask.
Looking over this list in Exhibit 1.1, you will notice that some
common themes pop up. The first theme is fear of not knowing the
person you are asking for money well enough before making the Ask.
The second is learning what makes one's organization or cause so
special that people would elect to support it over other groups. The
third is understanding why people would part with their money and
having the confidence in making the Ask. The fourth is letting external
forces and perceived internal problems postpone the Ask for a future
time.
Identifying the most common fears and hesitations, as we have
just done, is the first hurdle. Now we need to explore what we can do
about them. The following are concrete solutions and exercises you
can use to "get beyond" the psychological barriers that can make any
asker worry himself or herself out of making the Ask.
Know the Person You Are Asking Before You Make the Ask
Essential to your success is knowing as much as you can about the
person before making the Ask. Not knowing how the person was
raised and the role that money played in that person's upbringing can
make anyone hesitate to ask for money. People's views on money
begin at home. How they were raised and the era in which they were
raised can be the most important factors influencing their philanthropic
giving. People who grew up during World Wars I and II or
who lived through the stock market crash of 1929 often have "cautious
spending habits" and hence a need to save (Nichols 2001, 43). Even
though they may give to a charity, their priority is to save money so
that everyone can be taken care of if something happens. People who
are extremely religious are likely to tell you that they have always been
taught to "give back" and "to help others in need." To them, giving is
natural, it is expected, and they want to help others in any way they
can. As long as they have the means to do so, they are more than
willing to lend a hand to those less fortunate. If someone's parents,
extended family members, mentors, colleagues, peers, or friends have
supported a charity or several charities, there is a strong likelihood that
this tradition will have been passed along, shared, and encouraged.
Conversely, people who have experienced major investments and
economic losses such as the economic downturn that started in the fall
of 2008, technology stocks and the dotcom fall of 2000 and 2001, or
loss of a job at any time are likely to tell you that they need lots of time to
recoup losses before considering giving money to a worthy cause or
project. Such reasons illustrate that understanding how and when a
person was raised can give you a greater insight into his views on money.
This chapter opened with examining the asker's views on money; now it
is time to learn about views of the person that you want to approach.
You find out people's views on money and how they were raised
during the cultivation stages. Cultivation is everything you do up
to the Ask (see Exhibit 1.2). It is the series of meetings, events,
conversations, and exchanges of correspondence you have with the
people you will eventually ask for money. This is the time when you
really get to know these people, and in turn they build a long and
lasting trust with you and with the organization's leaders and volunteers,
or the business' executives and staff. Cultivation is essential
before any Ask. While you are sharing information with the people
you want to ask for money about your organization and business, its
mission, goals, plan, leaders, finances, volunteers, and beneficiaries,
you also have the golden opportunity to see, hear, and witness their
lifestyle choices. You will know, for example, why they feel they are
crusaders for controversial causes; why they sent their daughter or son
to a certain school; where and when they vacation; how important
religion is to them and their family; why they chose to have or not to
have a family; why or why not it is important to volunteer for military
duty; how they selected their career path; the importance and value of
their cars, homes, second homes, and boats they have selected; how
and why they volunteer; which charities they support; and why
supporting your creative idea fulfills a dream for them. These things
unfold naturally over time if you and others from your organization
are passionate and diligent in building relationships with potential
funders.
Notice I emphasized number 10. I believe by far this is the
greatest, most effective and efficient way to cultivate people to ask for
money because it makes them feel special, selective, an insider, and
very close to the top leaders and supporters of the organization. If you
have a strong, likeable, and charismatic leader for your organization, I
strongly suggest that you have her or him host a series of these small,
intimate gatherings and follow through with each person as set forth in
Chapter 8. This by no means suggests that the other 19 cultivation
techniques in Exhibit 1.2 are not important and effective. It is just in
my experience, particularly with groups with limited resources, that
this is the best cultivation technique.
The easiest way to find out someone's views on money is to ask
open-ended questions during cultivation such as the following:
"Dan, of all the charities you could support, why do you support us?"
"Kyra, how did you first find out about us and what are you most
interested in about our organization?"
I sometimes think that we do what I call "fill in the blank"
fundraising, that is, we
assume we know why someone would want to
support the organization or business venture. That can be a dangerous
path because when you assume you know why the person may be
interested in your organization it starts to become a self-fulfilling
prophecy and you can waste precious time and resources cultivating a
person towards a particular project, program, or idea when in fact their
interests and motivation can be completely different from what you
had in mind. Take the time to ask these simple open-ended questions
and listen carefully, with full eye-contact, to what the person says.
Then and only then will you have the accurate information you need
to cultivate the person in the direction of their interest, and you will be
that much closer to making the right Ask.
Every Organization Has Its Own Charm
There are over 1.9 million registered charities in the United States
(Independent Sector, Nov 7, 2008) and over 78,000 registered
charities in Canada (Charity.com, 2008). All these groups are raising
money for worthy causes-preserving wildlife, assisting people with
handicaps, increasing literacy, reducing homelessness, improving
child care, supporting international causes, funding the performing
arts, improving education, making health care accessible, promoting
research, and defending the environment, to name only a few.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from The Ask
by Laura Fredricks
Copyright © 2010 by John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.
Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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